Is it Worth it?

Just be patient… Pastor Peter answered.

A life long of bad choices needs patience. You cannot change overnight. There are consequences. You just have to be patient for God to do His work. All you have to do is do the right thing.

This was the answer of Pastor Peter when he was asked after delivering his sermon today Sunday – “What is the hope for those who have made bad choices in the past?”

I kept repeating over and over the song called “Iris” by Goo goo dolls and with the fantastic cover made by Boyz II Men. I can totally relate to how the song goes. Even the movie “City of Angels” the song was made for.

No one can hurt me unless I allow them. All the addiction to social media. The isolation brought by the COVID 19 pandemic quarantine. Interaction of people were no longer personal. Self expression made in blog, posts, my story, from lame 6 second dance to a more serious opinionated negative comments against the government. Everything happens now on social media. No accountability. No responsibility. So when I made one post, all I have to do is delete them. When I liked or loved something, then changed my mind later, all I have to do is delete them. If I want to ran away I can block people in one click. Thinking I can walk away just like that. No one knows. No one cares.

In the Bible, in the book of Timothy it says – In the last days men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of pleasure than lovers of God. Days are evil. Hence Jesus continue to warn us. Be wise as a serpent but be gentle as a dove. I cannot except myself from the corruption of human heart. I too like great mother Eve, have deep seeded root of sinful nature. Who am I to judge anyone? But just as Pastor Peter mentioned, we just need to be patient and do what we know is right before the Lord.

When I first watched “The City of Angels” the movie. I cried a river. I didn’t understand so much about the movie, not at a personal level, nor something I can relate to. I just knew I watched it at a young age, admiring the cute face of Meg Ryan, along with it’s equally, if not, more famous song – “Iris” sang by Goo Goo Dolls. It was just famous, it was touching and yes I cried at that time when Meg Ryan died, well, her character “Maggie” died in that movie.

Perhaps we spend our energy and time trying to be what other people want us to be because we feel that who we are is not enough. We may do all we can to separate from our inner being because we are so deeply ashamed of who we are. Self-hatred is a defect of character that needs to be removed. It breeds the sin of covetousness – that is, longing to be in someone else’s situation or have what they have. The psalmist wrote, “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – how well I know it.” (Psalm 139:14)

The Life Recovery Bible, commentary Psalms 139:1-16

Can I relate to Seth in this movie “City of Angels” because he chose to take the “fall”? Or is it I can relate to him because he was willing to give up his own nature to just have that “one touch” with the woman he chose to love? Is it that we all can relate to Seth because it roots down to sin of covetousness without being aware of it? That we want the life of humans, seeing them far and above, in our celestial out of this world body? We are in the earth but we are not of the earth. We will never be satisfied in this world because we are never meant for this world. Yet we all, like Seth, wanting what they have, rooting from this longing that was deeply set before the “fall” of mankind in the Garden of Eden. The Garden where happiness lies not because of it’s unending resources and no one has to work in order to survive. The Garden where happiness is because the Presence of the Lord is in that place. When mankind was cut off, we all missed that place, we the generation of mankind to this day long for that happiness in the Garden of Eden. For this we cannot forgive ourselves, we hate our own self, for we know we are made for more, more and more.

One important step in the recovery process is to allow God to remove our self-hatred, helping us to value ourselves for who we are. We have been miraculously created, and we are treasured by God.

This has been true since the time we were in our mother’s womb, long before we could do anything to earn it! As we begin to see how unique and special we are – embraced and accepted by God himself – our strides toward recovery should grow faster and longer.

The Life Recovery Bible, commentary Psalms 139:1-16

Don’t be too hard on your self.

Never think that you are a hindrance, you are a great part of me.

These are the two words I heard from two of the most important men in my life now. My British boss and Kevin.

Kevin is gone. Again.

I have no choice with my brit boss. We need to eat three times daily.

It maybe high time that I examine my ways. Choices have consequences. Just as Seth took that leap from a sky scraper building. Yes Seth took the “fall”. Just as Eve took the “bite”. Will I do the same thing – just for this so called happiness, for this so called what I know is right for me? Will I like Seth answer the question, is it worth it?

Seth: Am I being punished?

Angel: You know better than that. That’s life.

You are living now and one day you will be dying.

What is it like?

Seth: What?

Angel: Warmth

Seth: It’s Wonderful

Angel: If you knew these would happen.

Would you have done it?

Seth: I would rather have one breath of her hair,

one kiss of her mouth,

one touch of her hand

than an eternity without it.


City of Angels, the Movie

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Psalms‬ ‭139:23-24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Frail. Vulnerable. I cannot say I will be perfect from now on. But what if I tap the source of all grace and power. That same power that raised Jesus from the dead. God sustains. God is gracious. God is intimate with me. The question now is, am I intimate with him? Yes intimacy. It was intimacy that Seth so desires with Maggie, that “one touch” that he is so willing to take that “fall”. But it was Intimacy with God that was cut when Eve and Adam took that “bite”. Is it that Intimacy that was cut when the fallen angels can no longer hear the “voice” when they gather with other angels of death at sunrise?

Frail. Vulnerable. But I know if I choose the way everlasting. When an angel ask one day – was it worth it? I pray earnestly for God’s mercy and strength that I will finish well. So when that day comes, I will answer the angels and say. Yes it is worth it.

Flowers are frail, vulnerable, their beauty doesn’t lasts forever. But they have served their purpose. Beauty.

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