Just like that everything can banish… just like that.
A best friend who had been with me for years, through thick and thin.. who I treated not just a friend but a younger sister. Hurt me, left me… yes left me when I need them most.
The man I loved.. though unclear, without any commitment.. after doing everything to save and keep whatever we had, if we really had anything together… left me in a snap of a second. Where did that came from? No, I do not understand… he left me confused.. broken… beyond repair?
So I am reading this book entitled “Happiness” by Author, Randy Alcorn. He quoted Blaise Pascal, a famous scientist and thinker of his period, and wrote in his books… “all men seek happiness.”
What else does this longing and helplessness proclaim, but that there was once in each person a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? We try to fill this in vain with everything around us, seeking in things that are not there the help we cannot find in those that are there. Yet non can change things, because this infinite abyss can only be filled with something that is infinite and unchanging – in other words, by God himself. God alone is our true good.Blaise Pascal, Pensees, number 425
When I was young all I ever wanted was to have my own place, to be employed in a multinational, international bank. As I looked back, I have began to question whether I really longed for a family of my own, a husband, child of my own? I never pictured myself to be a mother and a wife to a husband. Maybe because I was pre occupied with this material ambition and to be on top of all. Unlike my brother who stayed with his employer, one of the top local banks in the Philippines, ever since graduating college. I was the one who took the risks of jumping from one employer to another. With it I experienced, job loss, promotion and even getting higher pay.
But I came to a point, after getting all I ever wanted. My own condominium unit. Getting the job in a “too big to fail” bank. Splurge after splurge in online shopping. One whirl wind love affair after another. Travel to travel. I only came to realize what I truly needed is inward peace and reconciliation with my Creator. I was never designed to strive on my own strength… to look for ways and means just to have that so called happiness in life. If it is relationship that is all I ever wanted. Why is it I turned down two marriage plans back when I was in the Philippine province of Palawan? Why is it I have paved the way for this younger man, twice my age, to let go and allow him to do what ever he wants to do with his life while he is young? If it’s dresses, shoeses, gadgets… why is it I have the thrill of getting them on bargain.. yet the joy banishes in a whim just as quick when I pushed that check out counter button?
“One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.”Psalms 27:4 NIV
Kind David gave us a glimpse into his relationship with God, saying, “The one thing I ask the Lord – the thing I seek most – is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life…”
David found great joy by improving his conscious contact with God. God is always there, but we are not always aware of His presence. Our relationship with God usually begins with His meeting our desperate needs. But when we begin to focus on getting to know God as an end in itself, we will discover that He will give us what we have always desired – the joy of being close to our loving Creator. Then we will see that He can be trusted with every area of our lives.– The Life Recovery Bible, “Thirst for God” Bible Reading Psalms 27
Maybe the reason why we are never satisfied in this world and with the person or things of this world is because we are never meant for this world. We will never be satisfied by temporal pleasure of relationships, material possessions and social status because we are eternal beings. I love what Author Randy Alcorn so beautifully illustrated in his book called “Happiness”, that all human were implanted with the glimpse of that “Happiness” before the “fall of man”. Aside from learning from Eve, when she ate the forbidden fruit and listened to the lie of the enemy that God do not have our best interest. Eve took a bite, not because she is hungry… the original sin as it is… saying, no God You do not want me to be happy, I know what will make me happy.. I am making a conscious decision… I am taking a bite. Conscious or unconscious, the issues of her heart led to her action. No I am not blaming Eve up to this day. What I am saying is we all, I in particular can relate to Eve. Choosing our own ways to be happy – just as the ways of this world to eat, drink and be merry. Without reverence to the reminder of Jesus when He said – “You fool, your soul will be required of you tonight…”
I have a long way to go in my recovery from wrong, unhealthy even toxic relationships. Yet the Lord provides. I am now, by His Grace, growing in a small group of women – we support each other by meeting once a week and we have a constant communication on social media even during this time of pandemic quarantine. I can now slowly go back to my routine at work – still working on to be more productive as the days go by. I am not perfect, but I can say I am in better place now compared when I tried helplessly to stay in those kinds of old set ups – loving things and using people. I should be constantly be discerning that all good and perfect gifts comes from above and He adds no sorrow to it. If you see that you are no longer growing in your situation, be it at work with an employer, a boss that you work for, friendship or official even non official boyfriend girlfriend relationship. I just want to share that it is true, God will not allow His children to successfully sin. The only difference of a believer and a non believer is – a non-believer lives and remain in sin. But a believer of Christ can and will sin, commit mistakes, choose the wrong thing, make the wrong decisions or even do the unthinkable. But the believer of Christ will always come to that point where God will deal at a personal level, that personal encounter where we will no longer read His words mechanically each day… but we will encounter Him in intimacy… so intimate that in this hopeless and decaying world – He will tell us that we need a Savior… all we need is Jesus.