Love is Patient

For me, as an outspoken person with anxiety disorders, hormonal imbalance and at its worsts bi polar extremes. One thing that I need to be careful of is paranoia. I myself have experienced this since teen age years, when I went in to nervous breakdown. Maybe that sexual abuse as a child, bullying in high school and confusion with a new found Christian doctrine were too much for a thirteen, fourteen year old girl. That is when I heard voices, I smell foul odor, my view of the world was distorted, literally I saw the world in grays and whites – it was a different world – far so far from reality. So falling in to this pain of loosing Kevin and the paranoia of what others say and think will make things worst, even worst than the worst state when Kevin found me. At this point of make or break, will I put my trust in the frailty of men? or would I put my hopes and dreams to the One True God Who made the Heavens and the earth?

I will never forget the learnings I had from the book of Stephen Covey called “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. This is about what makes man different from animals – the endowment called self awareness. For me, this is God’s gift to all mankind to realize the areas we need to work on, to improve on. When I decided to leave Kevin without saying good bye. The emotional turmoil came along with the paranoia, with that obsessive compulsive behavior or that nagging fear of committing mistakes. Did I made the right decision to leave? The what ifs and what nots. I know this is God’s time, it is about time I own up to my actions. Because yes, I can choose my decisions but I cannot choose the consequences. With it, I have to stand my ground. I have to stand up to my life choices. I may also have that tendency to fear to cause pain to Kevin. But I leave it all up to God, if God has something or someone for Kevin and for others, for all the other perfect fairy tale dream girl out there. God has something and someone for me too.

There must have been tremendous temptation for each tribe to compare its inheritance with the others rather than to see their allotment as ordained by God. True faith frees us to accept God’s provision as perfectly planned for us, whether it seems great or small.

– The Life Recovery Bible, commentary Joshua 19:24-39

I am still in the book of Joshua where in the middle of the book tells how the Israelites divided their respective portions of the promised land, one to each and every tribe. But now I have realized I have dwelt too much on the area of my love life, if that’s what you call it, life in love. But another endowment of self awareness is balance. When I was in college, I had a part time job at “Kentucky Fried Chicken”, yes that fast food restaurant of fried chicken. I have a restaurant manager, she’s a pretty chinese mestiza and a graduate of Psychology. In one of our casual lazy table gatherings with the other fast food crews, while telling us about her degree in Psychology. She said that in life, the most important thing is to balance all areas of life. I know it is hard, she further stressed out, but in order for us to succeed in life we have to balance all areas – Spiritual, Physical, Mental, Emotional… this is everything from the way I remember it.

There are five main aspects of personal health: physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and intellectual.

Dimensions of Wellness | Roger Williams University

But according to some studies they are Work, Health, Learning, Social and Spiritual.

What are the 5 aspects of life? Well, there are different ways to look at it, but my preferred way is to look at life as it consists of five aspects:

Work: your career and finance

Health: your physical health

Learning: your personal development

Social: your relationship with others

Spiritual: your relationship with the greater power

The Five Aspects of Optimizing Life – Life Optimizer

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-8‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://www.bible.com/111/1co.13.4-8.niv

I wrote this on my instagram and posted a picture of my cooked pasta.

My first time to cook zucchini pasta 🍝 #cookingselfie Left alone again in my condo unit I just thought of going back to something I love doing- to cook! When God said love is patient, most of the time, we thought of loving outwardly as in being patient with people we all choose to love. But the road to recovery requires not only patience but submission to the process as well. That recovery and keeping a strong mental health is not an end state but an ongoing process of our lifetime. So let’s go ahead and take care of our own selves so if the time comes, if that day comes, we are ready to care for others. Not a question of if, but when. Ok let me have a sip of my red wine 🍷

I am seated here at my favorite spot in my residential condominium unit, by the pool side. I was about to do my yoga but the wind is so strong and it is still Christmas cold. The sun had set and it is starting to get dark, everything now starts to fade from golden yellow to blue gray. The water of the pool wasn’t steady, it flowed a continued stream as the wind hovers, non stop. I know my situation won’t change. Come regular working days, the collectors of the banks will call and chase me again to update my payments. When I return to work, it will be the same condition as when I left them for the holiday break. Another year will come and I may not get the promotion I ever wanted. But on second thought do I really want the promotion at work or is it that I just don’t want to be left behind by my peers who had gone long ahead with their careers. No more boyfriend to turn to. There’s no more Kevin I can run to. It’s the same situation with my siblings who have their own lives and families now. That if I don’t limit the financial help I extend to them, what will I end up to when I retire and I am no longer as healthy and strong for secular work. It will be the same financial struggle to send my adopted daughter to school and sometimes to the point when I want to give up and admit I can no longer support her financially. Love is patient. God has been patient, he’s been patient and will always be for you and me. Who am I to give up? God will see me through, not only from loosing Kevin, but in every area of my life, be it financial, physical, emotional, mental and ultimately spiritual. My part is to live a godly life, not perfection, but a life that is surrendered, repentant and righteous – to please no one but God. My part is to acknowledge my responsibilities, own up to my actions and leave the rest to God. My part is to understand what I can and cannot do, what is within and beyond my control. So that one day when God calls me home, I may be able to hear Him say somehow… welcome my good and faithful servant, enter rest with your Master. So will I go on to live as if money, belongings and career are my masters? It is about time I live intentionally with the little time and resources that’s left for me. After all when life comes to an end, it is not between me and them, it is between me and God. One day I will give an account to God… so I guess this is the purpose of life – to be fully accountable to all of what God has entrusted us, be it relationship, money, talent. One day, on that wonderful day… when I die only then will I start to live in eternal peace with the lover of my soul. Until then, until such time, may God find us all faithful.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:13‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://www.bible.com/111/1co.13.13.niv

The sun has set once more ever faithful to rise to a new mourn.

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