Have I slipped again to relapse? To online shopping? To anxious thoughts?
Two of my friends whom I invested time and effort have turned against me. They have thrown words at me I never thought they will say or do. It maybe because of my own wrong doings, I do not know, I do not understand. But one thing I took away from this painful phase of my life once more – I can choose my friends but I cannot choose my own flesh and blood, my family, my brother and sister, my relatives. I cannot choose who will be my parents, who will be my brother and sister from one parent. Salvation starts at home. I cannot witness to outer remotest part of the earth if I do not start with my own Jerusalem, to my own Judea.
When I was in Palawan Island for my own holiday and rest. I received a message from one of our neighbors at our family house in central part of Manila. Me, my brother and sister were left with a small parcel of land in that progressive, crowded and busy central location of Manila. Since my brother had his own family and bought a house in one of the private villages south of Manila. I have left my youngest sister at our family house. I rented my own place east of Manila. They told me my sister is doing a lot of strange things to them, things that can only be done by a person with mental illness. That’s when I realised God have answered my prayer, about my question on purpose, on life meaning. Clearly God is not yet allowing me to do business with a friend nor with any of the things in Palawan. I have to put first things first. What really matters most. My own flesh and blood is in trouble – I have to help my baby sister.
Obedience is ongoing. God has given the Israelites instructions for every area of their lives. Joshua was obedient; the people sometimes wavered and were inconsistent. This brought trouble. But what was true in Joshua’s day is still true for us. The more we trust and believe God, the more we will want to obey Him. The more we obey Him, the greater our joy, regardless of our circumstances. Obedience to God is not something to be resisted; it is the only pathway to a life filled with joy.Recovery Themes, The Life Recovery Bible
Have I relapsed to my addiction to online shopping?
Out of my emptiness I asked God to fill the void when Kevin left me without a clue, without goodbye, without closure. Kevin left me hanging with more questions than answers. But I cannot run away from problems of my own Jerusalem, my own household, any longer. Being the first born is both a blessing and a responsibility. Being the first born means I have to step up as the spiritual leader of the family. I am the high priest of my own household, just as the Lord Jesus Christ is the High Priest and The Head of the Church, of one body of Christ. All along, I thought, Christianity is knowing and accepting Christ as Lord and Saviour. Doing the quiet time and prayer journal. But this time I have to grow as part of the body of Christ. Now I have to grow along with the group of sisters God has entrusted me to be part with. So in my journey to recovery, I haven’t arrived, I am just starting – I have kept my discipleship group, I have followed my mentor and I have to keep my communications open with my two life coaches at Glorious Hope program along with the other ladies under their care. So my next step is to bring my own youngest sister to the same path to recovery. That we are never alone, just as God laid down his terms in the book of Deuteronomy to life of recovery and victory from past persistent failures. For it doesn’t matter how many times we stumble and fall, what matters is how we get up and pick up the pieces again.
We cannot eliminate evil from our lives; many have tried. But if we escape the evil forces on the outside of us, we are confronted with the evil that lies within us. We must be ever watchful of the old patterns in our lives that could destroy our chances for recovery.Recovery Themes, The Life Recovery Bible
At the office, I just have to hold on to the truth that recognition and promotion comes from the Lord. But I also have to accept the reality that not all works are rewarded in this lifetime. Time will come all my works will pass through the fire. Only those that I have done for the Lord will last, everything I have built for my self, be it a condominium unit, all the gadgets, my position at the international bank, the likes and followers on instagram, my most impressive ranking on Wattpad eBook, all the views on WordPress… All – as in all will pass away, everything will be burned through the fire, if not, forgotten. Only those done for the Lord will remain. Work is ministry but I have always been bored, it may be attributed to my hormonal imbalance or out of my own disappointments (in and out of work and home). In the book of Deuteronomy, Chapter 33 – Moses gave his blessings to the Levites: Bless the ministry of the Levites, O Lord, and accept all the work of their hands. This is in verse 11a. Just as the book of Deuteronomy was closed by Moses with blessings and reminder of how God have taken care of them up until to this point in time where they were about to enter the promised land. The book of Joshua begins with an encouragement – to be strong and courageous. Not with own human strength but to hold on to His Words for strength.
‘Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” ‘Joshua 1:7-9
We may have concluded that a good and healthy life is reserved for people who are better or stronger than we are, but there is a Promised Land for each one of us.
We need to be courageous.
We need to believe that there can be good things in life for us. We too, can be encouraged that regardless of our own past failures and those of our family, we can start again. We can find a way out of the chaos of the wilderness into the Promised Land of PRODUCTIVE and HEALTHY LIVING.Serenity Prayer Journal, Read Joshua 1:1-9, The Life Recovery Bible
You are not being punished, you are being pruned, Peter Tan-Chi Junior said in one of his preachings at Christ’s Commission Fellowship. Peter Junior is the eldest son of Dr. Peter Tan-Chi, the senior pastor of CCF. Choose your help mate, I heard another from pastor Bong Saquing, also one of the pastors of CCF. Clearly God is giving me the impression, that in order for me to grow and lead to a life of recovery and restoration. I have to choose my companion and that includes loosing some of my so called existing friends. I have to accept my responsibilities as the eldest child and grandchild in the family. I have to own up to my actions at the work place, since it is my ministry and God has blessed my hand in all the work that I do – despite my short comings and unfaithfulness. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit unless it remains in the vine. I have to remain in Jesus, to be productive, to be effective, to bear fruit and that my fruit should remain. Come to think of it, the fruit is not enjoyed by the branch itself, but the fruit is enjoyed and consumed by another creation, it may be another life, the land when it falls or any flying creature that feed on to it. I read the blog of Joy Tan-Chi Mendoza, one of the daughters of pastor Peter. That relationships are like that, it is not about “what I can, could and would take from it”. Many times this is where I get frustrated, when I do not get what I want in any of my relationships, at home, work, friends and even with a potential life partner. So maybe it’s high time I mature from selfish “what’s in it for me”, I can grow into selfless “what’s in it for them”. With this I accept, to hold the hand of my youngest sister, this time with hope – that no matter how dark each of our world is, God gave us each other so that through each of us God can work and extend the warmth of His love…. yes all His unconditional love… that self less love even until His own death on the cross… on the third day He rose again, that same power that raised Jesus from the dead is the same power and love for you and me today, to provide and protect… to nurture and to cherish .