His Words, My Hope

It’s my last day today here in the beautiful islands of Palawan. Tomorrow is my flight going back to Manila. I have to travel from here El Nido for a five hour land trip to Puerto Princesa airport. For the grand finale, God granted me a beautiful morning… ahhh yes warm cup of coffee in front of Lio beach.

“He will say:

“Now where are their gods, the rock they took refuge in, the gods who ate the fat of their sacrifices and drank the wine of their drink offerings?

Let them rise up to help you! Let them give you shelter!

“See now that I myself am he!

There is no god besides me.

I put to death and I bring to life,

I have wounded and I will heal,

and no one can deliver out of my hand.”

‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭32:37-39‬ ‭NIV‬‬

You Version Bible App

I had a wonderful yoga prayer in front of the beach. I forgot my yoga mat but I just laid down my beach towel on to the sand. The sand was still wet from the rain or maybe from the morning dew. The limestone cliff was standing tall at my left, behind it was white clouds and clear sky. I was able to catch the free shuttle early eight in the morning from El Nido town proper to Lio Estate. Some shops are still closed for the low season. I had my coffee in a nice beach front boutique cafe, despite the noise of the works being done on the nearby shops. Thanks to the free 30minute wifi access, I was able to enjoy the You Tube background music from Worship Mob.

Then my phone rang, I knew it is the unsaved number of my ex boyfriend from Port Barton San Vicente Palawan. I refused to answer the call, my iWatch vibrates on my left wrist as my iPhone rings several times. Enough. It’s enough, it’s clear and wide, God is telling me to leave everything behind and move on.

“Normally it takes only eleven days to travel from Mount Sinai to Kadesh-barnea, going by way of Mount Seir. But forty years after the Israelites left Egypt, on the first day of the eleventh month, Moses addressed the people of Israel, telling them everything the Lord had commanded him to say.”

Deuteronomy 1:2-3

This is a book of new hope; it is all about making a fresh start. The Israelite’s failures were behind them. Opportunities for rebuilding their lives, their communities, and their nation lay ahead. At last Israel stood on the threshold of the Promised Land. It had taken them forty years to accomplish an 11-day journey because of their wilful disobedience and lack of faith. Moses took time to give them principles for rebuilding their lives in the Israelite community and in their relationship with God.

The Life Recovery Bible – Deuteronomy 1:1-5 commentary

God has brought me this far, I can no longer go back. Just as we say our intentions before every yoga practice. I have to stay focus in my intentions with this beach travel. To cement everything I have learned from the five month Glorious Hope recovery program. I have stayed in this situation for quite a long time. It’s high time I make the right decisions and leave all the mistakes I had before. Worsts, committing the same mistakes and wrong choices all over again. I don’t have regrets of meeting all the men in my life, but I could have done and decided better of the time and resources God has entrusted me.

I have tried to make amends with my second ex boyfriend here in ElNido but he was already in a relationship. I have informed Kevin where I am, he did respond but was not interested in seeing me once more. In His grace, I do not even have the appetite to go back to my other ex. After all the financial and sexual advances, I do not want to go through them again. I prayed to God for leading, for a sign. I guess this time the answer is no. Maybe to wait. I accept, this time I have to take it on my own. But one thing that excites me is allowing God to be God not only in my family and career, in my finances but with my love life as well. This time I will ask God to keep my heart until such time, if there will come a time, someone will awaken love once again.

So this coming week I am going back to reality and my responsibilities. I am fully resolved to go back to His Words, just as the Israelites did with Moses after 40 years of wandering in the dessert. I am ready to take care of my youngest sister with her mental illness and her recovery will be my priority as well. To carry on with the grace God has given me at the bank where I work. My heart is overwhelmed also by how my adopted daughter performs and how dedicated she is to her studies. My only prayer and life long dream is to see her become a Doctor and have her own family. I cannot cry here because it’s an open beach park, with lines of boutique restaurants from coffee shops to all kinds of Filipino and foreign cuisine. It’s low season but there are more foreign tourists here and I think I am one of the few Filipinos roaming around Lio Estate today. I am in a helpless state and I am powerless to my own sin of sexual addiction, aggressive compulsive habits and uncontrollable anger. But there is hope – just as I have read His Words this morning, God said, God have wounded and God heals, God put to death and God brings forth life.

“”Don’t be afraid! Don’t be discouraged!” The expression “Don’t be afraid,” along with its variations, is the most common command in Scripture. There are so many things to be afraid of. In challenging his people to a new course of action, God insisted that they cast away their fears. God was really asking His people to trust Him. If we can learn to turn our focus away from our circumstances toward God and His power, our helplessness and fears will soon melt away.”

The Life Recovery Bible, Deuteronomy 1:19-21 commentary

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