Thanks Jane great to chat.
My Australian boss messaged me on the chatroom after our video call yesterday. All because I did not went to the other office building to meet him personally. I wasn’t able to buy the chicken nuggets either, instead I bought the instant noodles, put it on the kitchen counter and the boiled egg in the fridge. I went home two in the morning to a daughter in bed and deep peaceful sleep… alone.
Before I went to my own bed, I messaged the laundry lady to deliver the washed and clean clothes at six in the morning. My daughter sent me a text message that night because her physical education school uniform was in that recent laundry pick up. Half awake I told her in haze and blurry sight, Beh (baby) laundry said it’s eight a.m. It’s here Tita (Aunt) she said. The egg is inside the ref put it on your noodles. I closed my eyes hearing her opened the ref. Did you put the egg? I asked. Yes Tita… I woke up again few minutes before eight a.m.
One step at a time—that’s how it’s done! In the first step, we acknowledged that we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors. In Step 2, we came to believe that there is a power greater than ourselves who loves us and wants to restore us to wholeness. Those first two steps were so important they established a cause for action. Step 3 is our first action step.
Step 3: We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.
I have started to learn to say no.
In my conversation with my Australian head senior vice president. He gave me instructions to get into a meeting and have his directs’ approval first before discussing with him. Forty five minutes into the meeting I still do not have the numbers up front, but I have to stick to the high level picture rather than the intricate detailed numbers as I have to keep the call to half an hour on point and objective. I told him the vice presidents under him were already managed by the coordinators whom I am collaborating laterally. I got his approvals and agreed specific actions. I was not able to get the chicken nuggets yesterday but the thing is, what I should be grateful for is my daughter was able to sip a hot noodle soup with egg this morning.
As I had breathed through my yoga session this morning. I realized how addicted I am to anxiety, that I worry if I have nothing to worry. I have watched Barbara Streisand concert on Netflix. There was this back stage scene when she was about to come up the stairs to the open stage for her classic concert performance. Her one hand holding on to the stair hand rail, catching her repeated deep breath. I read once that she indeed have a stage fright. I only believed when I saw her in that concert movie. Then she went on to say in the back ground, my therapist told me that I have this stage fright all because I want to be in control. Wait… hold on to that for a moment Ms. Streisand, let me process it a little bit more, you mean to say that a superstar like you have anxiety disorder like mine? All because we want to be in control?
Over what do we really have control? In Principle One we recognize our need to admit our powerlessness. Our lust for the power to control is rooted in our weaknesses, not in our strengths. We need to realize our human weaknesses and turn our lives over to God. Jesus knew this would be difficult. How difficult? He said this about a related issue, but it applies here as well:
– Principle One, Celebrate Recovery Bible
In life it is really important to pause from the insanity of daily hustle and bustle grind. To pause and accept that I can no longer take the loud voices in my head. Today I am reminded that I should not lean on my own understanding, but in all my ways I have to acknowledge God and He shall direct my path. This picture was taken in the resort where I stayed for a month. This is where I started to learn and experience the benefits of peace and pleasure of morning yoga. This is where I should be thankful, not resentful, for meeting a young handsome man who took care of me, look after my every need, brought me to places at Port Barton I have never been to while embracing him, hugging him tight at the back of his motorbike.
What made my day successful yesterday at the office? I put Him first. Next I paid my self first – to my daily commitment to a new healthy habit of yoga prayer and journal blogging. I may have failed big time with five consecutive whirlwind romances in that part of the islands. But my life shouldn’t stop there. It should not prevent me or suffer unnecessarily for not pursuing my love for sunsets and the beaches. To live and tell all about it. Yes, success even without the chicken nuggets. Even just with the egg? Yes. Even just with the egg.