Lord I want to become a Writer.
Yes I just woke up one day, now I know what I want to do for the rest of my life. So I am still with the book of Stephen May on “Get Started in Creative Writing”. Where he said about joining a local writing community, libraries and reading other writers’ works. This morning while still in bed (as always), I looked at the nearby state university and they offer Master of Arts in Creative Writing. Sounds really cool… savvy… Suddenly I got the inclination also to join one of the short term assignment roles at the office for recruitment manager. Since I am now interested not only in the Art of Writing but also in Psychology Counseling. So much doors of opportunities too little time… However given the choice between Writing and Psychology, I want to choose Arts and Literature… to just write. I have to be careful and aware of my decisions. All because I do not have time to do everything I want, but God have given me enough time to do everything He designed me to accomplish. We are basically indestructible not until God is done with our individual lives.
Because look, yes I know now what I want to do with the rest of my short life… in this fast chaotic world. But I cannot just abandon my responsibilities as bank manager and a guardian mother to my niece. I really have to be careful with this, just as I spend thousands of pesos to buy my own blog domain. I know there are those things that I need to take the risks and in the end I know I will not regret doing it.
But I guess this is it, this is my new journey.
Perhaps aside from dancing my way to Zumba. Writing keeps my sanity. You see all the bad habits were formed from all of my coping and defense mechanism. Just to survive everything that happens outside. But I can no longer hide the waging war on the inside. There are times people and circumstances forced me to be a person I am not. But as I have learned from the “resentment” topic in the Glorious Hope recovery sessions, no one can hurt or control me unless I allow them to. Even allow being unkind, harsh and hard to my own self. This is now my journey of faith in allowing God to replace my old ways with endeavors that will contribute to the society… to mankind. Many times I was depressed because I always looked at “what’s in it for me”, instead of “what is it that I can contribute…”. Not always what I can get but what I can give.
We find that eternal life doesn’t begin with death; it begins with faith.
– Hope, Day 3 Celebrate Recovery Bible Daily Devotional
I will be brutally honest now with my new found habit and childhood passion with or should I say dream of writing. Sometimes it is not easy not to be affected looking at the numbers of views, likes and comments. But I remember what I learned from Pastor Peter, true joy is absolute not by comparison. In this writing habit I learned that I need to focus on why I am doing what I am doing. Writing is natural for me, hence I sincerely believe it is a gift… it’s my calling. Before I can give… I must first receive. To appreciate… I have to know the Giver. Yes… the Giver not the gift.
“Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.” Hebrews 11:1
All we need is a little faith to begin the journey of freedom from our hurts, hang-ups and habits. Faith – even the size of a tiny mustard seed is the only avenue to salvation and freedom.
– Hope, Day 3 Celebrate Recovery Bible Daily Devotional
As Pastor Peter shared it, it is not about how big is my faith… it is all about how Big my God is. That even the faith to put my faith on God is a gift from God. All by myself, with all my frailty I cannot, on my own, create the faith for what I cannot see, touch nor physically feel.
Yesterday, I went out of my hobbit. I went out from several days of hiding. From one city office building to another city office building, I travelled. With the traffic, uneven roads, I was seated at the back of the company van, our shuttle service going to and back. My brain was shaken but my eyes were once more awaken with the scenes. Side walk vendors, city traffic… people from all walks of life. Although I felt throwing up from that bumpy ride, it was worth it. Suddenly from out of no where, I felt the nudge, if God will take my life today – as the driver sweeps through the bumper to bumper main road, mindlessly stepping on gas and his breaks. I asked myself if God will take me today it would be such a relief to end all the pain and longings. But with this hope of eternity is the trust that whatever it is, God will take care of my adopted daughter. So as my body sways from side to side of the fast moving van I whispered a silent prayer. Lord help me see my daughter become a doctor before You bring me home.
I love to write, absolutely, but I have myself and my daughter to feed. I was inspired seeing the movie Julie and Julia. Where a young wife whose very passionate about cooking started blogging about the recipes of Julia Child. While being employed in the government, wife to a husband she pursued her passion for cooking and writing. Yes I want to do just like that, a day job in the bank while cooking and writing. That I can embark on who God wants me to be, not somebody else, not someone else.
Simply put, life without Christ is a hopeless end; with Him is an endless hope.
Hope, Day 3 Celebrate Recovery Bible Daily Devotional
It is hard to accept that I am not the only one affected with my own sins. Wrong choices and decisions not only affects me but others as well. When I went to a wrong relationship I cannot blame my past nor blame the men, it is my own wrong doing and I have to own up to my actions. Decisions no matter how small is an act of faith, it has eternal consequences… eternal impact to my life and others. So maybe God wants me to write… I may have grown tired being the wreck-less van driver of my own time, talents and treasures. With the new hope in Christ Jesus… this time God wants to write my own story.
My quiet times at Port Barton San Vicente Palawan. I have resented that a young man with kids and live in partner stole my sweetest moments with the Lord. But hey, it’s about time I end all the rehearsal of hurt and pain in my mind. Much worst wallow in the regrets of all the “if” and “could”. From the rock bottom I will rise, not because of another new found love… but by realizing in spite of all the foolishness and wastes, God chose to love me, without conditions. That God looked down upon me not for who I am or what I have done but to who I can become.